Why Self Improvement And Motivational Speakers Don’t Help Much.

Almost everyone has tried personal development. The motivational speakers, the self-improvement gurus and self-help marketing channels are all wrong.  Look for yourself, check it out, most if not all, allude to the very thing that they omit to teach.  What is it that they omit?  Namely that most of us are stuck and absent from where we think we want to be or should be.  That the dark hole of failure we are in, the wall of fear we have bumped against, or the frustration, anxiety, worry or fear of failure is somehow the cause of our predicament. 

There is something about these programs that somehow appeal to the sense of failure, lack, wanting more, insufficiency.  The self help manuals all promise a more glorious future, usually involving, winning or success in love, money, business, and rich rewards in relationships, or things like houses, cars, friends or lovers.

I say this with some regret, because I am the same as many of you reading this. I have been to countless self improvement workshops, read books, listened to tapes, CD’s, watched video, DVD series, downloads, mp3′s, Youtube, Teleseminars, Webinars, ebooks, ecourses, online training programs and so on.

I’ve also received counselling and life coaching (I have a certificate in counselling skills, and another in Life Coaching) at different times in my life.  Please don’t misunderstand me, that is what I thought I needed at the time and at some level I found it beneficial in understanding my story, helping raise my awareness and understanding.

Have you noticed the attraction to self-improvement, what it is based on, like advertising generally?  Look at any advert and see what the message is offering you.  Doesn’t it promote the belief that you too would be better off if only you had their latest and greatest particular model of car, hair shampoo, food product, holiday, clothing or home?  Or maybe it’s their latest personal development program, to make you an online millionaire in only 7 days. Marketing secrets, rags to riches stories, self-development programs and home businesses. 

Even more than that though, the underlying message is that there is something lacking in you that only there product or service or belief system can fill. You are just not good enough, worthy enough, sufficient enough as a person or financially. Or, there is something wrong with you. It comes down to self image doesn’t it?  You are not powerful enough or lovable enough, are you?

All these programs have one thing in common, you are doing something wrong, and if you only knew the step-by-step secrets of success (which they will show you for a fee) in overcoming adversity.  You would be rich and successful and happy.  They promise us that if only you could discover what you are doing wrong, usually something in your subconscious, and do the work on it, everything will be OK. Then you will be the perfect person you are meant to be.

Again, don’t misunderstand me.  We all grow through overcoming adversity, it is great to hear stories and be inspired by those coming to terms with trouble and beating it.  Right?  But what about the adversity itself?  Isn’t there vital lessons to be learned in the thick of it?  When our work, or marriage or relationship with our true self, God or some other/s seems impossible?  Perhaps there is no way of fully participating in any of these major parts of our life without coming to terms with all the ways it is impossible to do it.

You know what I have found out? That deep down we are all think and feel we are not good enough.  Have you ever thought about that? You may not have, but unless you are entirely cut off from your self, and perhaps you may well, be a little silence could bring you to feel that sense of unworthiness.

But what is the underlying message, that there is something lacking in your life that having this product would make you a better person, a successful, wealthier and happier life.

It is this sense of unworthiness, that there is something missing, that there is something I am lacking that provides the fuel for the fast sale self improvement program.  The feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, the sense of feeling we are a long way away from what we want tells us something about our work.  What may be actually happening is that we are at the beginning or we have forgotten where and who we are.  And it is this very gap, space or absence that energises us and indeed creates an acute attention, and sets up a dynamic that will provide the means of getting unstuck, moving forward to next part of our life. Eventually doing the impossible.

And that the very weaknesses and the blind spots we have been avoiding turn out to be the strength we need to complete the task.  By understanding weaknesses in ourselves (and others) we have compassion for ourselves and for others.

How does a person start?  Well I won’t go into all the answers right here, right now.  But as a suggestion you could….. 

Find and create a space for silence in your life. 

Begin to listen

Have compassion and be your own best friend

 

Peace,

 

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

PS An Even more optimistic thought might be the fact that there is an essential you that is completely perfect as it is/you are  and doesn’t need anything else added to it.