Do You Love Money Or Do You Love Life?

I have learned through some painful experience over the last few years,  the importance of having  a healthy relationship with work and money. It is so essential to have this in right perspective.  I am certainly not  there yet, but my intention is to be financially independent sooner than later.

Enough is enough and a sustainable life on the planet probably depends very much on the relationship we have with money.  So some time in the near future I plan to run a webinar on transforming our relationship with work and money.

What are your thoughts?

How  at ease are you with your work life?  Are you at ease with trading your time for money? Do you have enough?  

Warm Regards,

Gavin J Gowans

New Year New Love- Falling In Love All Over Again

Dear Friends,

This year has undoubtedly been both one of the most challenging yet rewarding years of my life. Without going into the details I have been challenged to the very core of my being, and there is much more yet to come!

It was precipitated by my own feeling that I needed to live life more fully and be more alive than ever.  I’ve realised that for me at least a life that is n0t lived from within, from awareness of my deepest being and feelings was neither what I am nor called to be. I would be  short changing  myself and ultimately everyone and everything in my life.  A life of contentedness with whatever happens.

A life with no limitation. By that I do not mean there are no physical or other ‘limitations’ but rather that the beliefs, judgements and subsequent expectations of future consequences does not prevent me from living fully in the power of the present moment.  As Eckhart Tolle has popularised, the Power Of Now.

The credit crunch has a lot to answer for but its effect on me has been marvellously positive.  It has resulted in a loss of my former property business along with many other things that essentially are not important in my life.  Things, relationships and beliefs and judgements that in fact were preventing me living a life on true purpose.  The hardest of which to face was a sense of my own un worthiness and insufficiency. There just never seemed to be enough.

Somehow, finding the courage to be stretched to places of extreme discomfort and allowing myself to accept these moments of discomfort, and  ‘use’ them as pointers to a deeper Truth,  has in fact freed me to realise that so much of what I think is happening is in reality not really happening, at all.  Most of how I think I see life is more or less completely made up.

As I see this, it allows me to recognise the true self, the abundant, loving self that I am. Not just in me but in others too. So the discomfort I experience is turned upside down so to speak and becomes the means to liberation.

Back in February I decided to retrain as a Life Coach, truly wishing to reconnect to others, in a service orientated way.  The death of a young daughter, only 18 years of age, of friends of mine  had touched me deeply.  However, her sudden, unexpected death enabled me to reflect on my life and over a period of time I was moved by a rare combination of clarity and courage. I realised that my purpose is to love, be loved and serve others in whatever way I can.  I also decided to begin training as a Life Coach and in  Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, with a view also of teaching meditation and other well being practices, online.

But there were family issues, marital issues and financial issues I needed to sort out. Long standing issues that had left me feeling disillusioned, isolated, insecure and alone. My traditional way of sorting this would have been to brainstorm the ‘problems’ , work out a plan and work hard to realise the plan.  This had served me for most of my life, I am grateful for all the ways it has served me, but clearly its time had come.  I had always found it particularly hard to trust my everyday feelings, never mind my deeper feelings and intuitive wisdom.

So I boldly decided to live mindfully every moment I could remember, to let  go of feelings as they arose and be appreciative of whatever happened whether or not  I judged things that happened to me, thoughts that arose or external events and relationships as they were impacting on me. Whether they were judged to be positive or negative. I stopped planning, strategising and goal setting, simply taking action on whatever inspired and motivated me when I got up every day.

Somehow I found the courage to live this way. Driven in some uncompromising way by the knowledge that so many of the spiritual and philosophical masters before us had taught, that we are already the freedom we are looking for. To live each day as it comes, reacting to life as it arises, doing only that which I am inspired or feel motivated to do.  Untrammelled by the  promptings of a false, over protective, dominating ego, hypnotically determining my thoughts and actions, wanting security, control and above all approval. 

At times I felt desperate, anxious and very afraid. I felt selfish, guilty even, that I was putting myself first. I was in a completely new place, with none of the usual footholds of a to do list or daily planner.

I think the hardest thing to do was actually feeling the knowingness of being one with God.

Now I know for some the word God, Christ, even Bhudha or whatever can be very off putting.  But this is simply what I believe. And most people even scientists agree there is a  Power in the universe, whatever you wish to name it.

This has been life affirming for me.  But it takes time, wonderful time, it doesn’t happen overnight, now I realise this  I wish it takes however long it takes.   Because in the end as much as I feel discomfort it feels like the Royal route to awareness and freedom of being the person I was born to be. Free to be.

And particularly this kind of intuitive, alignment with a much greater and more powerful force than I, though not separate from that Self. Means that my life , although seemingly doing or rather not doing, but being, each day, totally contradicts everything I think I should be doing.

In fact it was in that doing mode that I have got so caught up in.  This is now a rambling sort of blog post.  But for the first time in my life since I can remember as a child, I have no agenda other than living my life imperturbed in the face of  whatever happens, as it happens, with no agenda other than to let go and let God in whatever discomfort or indeed good feelings I have. To focus on loving, being loved and in the service of others. To trust and actually be surprised at what life can bring each day.

The concept of the Four Marriages, (see the Three Marriages -David Whyte) that is the marriage with God, myself, my wife (or other relationship) and work I realise that in whatever I do, there must be love .  Nothing less will ever do.  Here I am not talking simply of the lovely romantic feelings, but rather the decision to Love. This year I began falling in Love all over again. The knowing that through this person, work or relationship that I am loved and can be loved, fulfilled, at peace, in joy.

Are there times when it is too much? Yes.  Are there times when I doubt, am confused and afraid?  Certainly. Are there times I think I am going mad? Most definitely.  But gradually, quite slowly it is dawning on me that the life of freedom is possible. Not without suffering, but much of that is self generated. Not what I ever thought or imagined it to be, but something far more liberating awaits those who with courage and faith take action and begins to recognise the infinite expansion possible in this life.

The courage to face ones own fear and discomfort on a moment to moment basis, to affirm ones true identity in God, to let go of the many illusions that one has built up and taken on through many millennia, to realise the infinite co-creative possibilities and potential that one has and to be appreciative of all that has happened and all that is happening, is by far the place where I’d rather be.

There is no security, out there.  Have courage, you have everything here and now that you will ever need, and more.  Heaven is within  you and all creation is eagerly waiting for that to be revealed. Heaven can be on Earth.

You are enough, you have enough and do enough.  You are sufficient, abundant in fact.  This realisation that who and what I am does not depend on any circumstance, person or thing but on the Source of Life itself, is true living knowledge indeed.

Living from that place more and more, having the courage to allow the inner attitudes necessary to act and live that life of Love and expanding not collapsing inwards, but letting life flow outwards in blessing. Trusting that in the end everything is OK and will be OK.

I truly wish you ALL an abundant, happy, and Joy filled  life in 2010

Peace and Love,

Gavin J Gowans

Stress – Stress Management Through MBSR

Hi, today I’d like to give you some info about a course I plan to run several times over the next year. Over the years I have personally tried many, many ways to reduce stress.  When I found MBSR I was truly grateful because it is probably the best way of stress management around.

What is MBSR?

The Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program was developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. MBSR is a common form of complementary therapy addressing a variety of health problems – most commonly stemming from stress.

Completed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction studies have found that pain-related drug utilisation was decreased, and activity levels and feelings of self-esteem increased, for a majority of participants. More information on these studies can be found on the University of Massachusetts Medical School website: Center for Mindfulness; http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/index.aspx

The Online mindfulness-based stress reduction course  (MBSR) I run is designed to help you learn new ways of handling difficult physical sensations, feelings and moods.

The core skill that you will learn is mindfulness: Mindfulness is a basic human quality, a way of learning to pay attention to whatever is happening in your life that allows you a greater sense of connection to your life inwardly and outwardly. Mindfulness is also a practice, a systematic method aimed at cultivating clarity, insight, and understanding.

In the context of your health, mindfulness is a way for you to experientially learn to take better care of yourself by exploring and understanding the interplay of mind and body and mobilizing your own inner resources for coping, growing, and healing.

Most people completing MBSR programmes report that they gain lasting benefits, such as:
 

• More energy and enthusiasm
• A greater capacity for relaxation
• More self-esteem and confidence
• An increased ability to handle stressful situations
• Decrease physical and psychological symptoms from illness
• Reduce pain levels and an enhanced ability to cope and deal with chronic pain

Who is MBSR for?

I would say everybody! But particularly it’s  for you if you want to learn how to take better care of yourself and discover a deeper sense of ease and peace of mind—and if you are willing to actively engage in your own health and well-being.

Mindfulness practice is ideal for cultivating greater awareness of the unity of mind and body, as well as of the ways our unconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours can undermine emotional and physical health. The mind is known to be a factor in stress and stress-related disorders, and mindfulness has been shown to positively affect a range of autonomic physiological processes, such as lowering blood pressure and reducing overall emotional reactivity.

In addition to mindfulness practices, MBSR uses different forms of body movement to help reverse disuse atrophy attributable to our culture’s largely sedentary lifestyle, especially for those with pain and chronic illnesses.

Let Me Know Now If You Want To Do It.

So, what are you waiting for?  if you think you are interested, either in the group 8 week course, or an individual course. Just contact me now.

Peace,

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

P.s. If you are ready to commit to do the work, you can find more balance, control and participation in your life, than before.

Charter For Compassion

I was really impressed by this video of Karen Armstrong .  A wonderful person who has a desire for greater compassion in the world .  It follows on with the previous article I wrote stressing the importance of action. 

No matter what our views on religion might be. In the current world climate, I for one support any body sincerely trying to end conflict, whatever its source, and bring more compassion into our lives.

There is no faith without compassionate action.  It is compassion , says the Bhudda, that brings us to nirvana.  Confuscious said , “Do not do to others that which you wish you do not wish to be done to yourself.”  Jesus said ” Love your enemies….and do not judge others.”

This tenet, known as the Golden Rule, is found in all the religious traditions, but so often not acted out in every day life by those who follow this very rule.

So if we truly wish to to be happy, having compassion for ourself  and others through actions in ordinary life, is an essential practice.

Perhaps you too wish to sign up for the Charter For Compassion http://charterforcompassion.org/ . Have a look at this video first….

 

Peace and Love,

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

Do we literally create reality by thinking? Or can we Just Do It!

With the immense popularity of science-meets-spirit self-help
movies like “What the Bleep do we Know?” and “The Secret,”
the “Power of Positive Thinking”, or Manifesting and the
Law Of Attraction thinking is hugely popular these days. But is it
really true that our thoughts create our reality? Or is there
a deeper secret to transformation, rooted not in the content
of our minds, but in the power of our actions?

What I mean is, there is this idea that if we simply, (or
maybe not so simply!) change our inner/personal thoughts, this
will change the world all at the same time.  Notice that the
idea of these is that it is all about inner transformation alone,
that will change the world.

But maybe this isn’t really true. Maybe we need to transcend
what is probably “magical thinking” and step into the
liberating power of self-responsibility and enlightened
action.

Are you a victim? Do you feel out of control? Stressed. Out
of life/balance.  Feeling lacking in some way?  It is not
surprising then that you are you attracted to the idea that I
can be in charge of my life.  Hey, and having control is OK,
I am not knocking it.  Having a healthy feeling of security, love
and control is important, maybe even essential.
 
The science of Neuroplasticity is showing us thatwe can all rewire our brains. But even there, it is not simply changing our thinking that rewires us, it is theactions we make along with it that reinforces the neural
pathways.   With frequently remarkable results. See Norman Doidge’s work.

Increasingly I come across people who believe that there
is no one else but ourselves and that we solely create our
own reality.  Underlying this belief is the idea that the
thoughts we think themselves create reality, if we just
change our thoughts, it will create the world that we want.

But perhaps what is really happening is closer to the idea
that the thoughts that we believe in create reality because
we act on them.  The thoughts that come up throughout the
day, we then identify with, and we create reality because we
act on them.  You could start to get very stressed about the
thoughts you hold. Couldn’t you?

The message seems to be, “When I Get my inner state right
life will all work out the way I want it.”
But have you ever asked the question that, if I am to create
a different life and world I am going to have to change my
behaviour in a radical way? How does that feel?  Doesn’t it
make sense? And if it does, how do we do it?

With all the focus on the inner state, which is rightly and
primarily the place we need to focus, that is on our interior
state. But not at the expense of not taking action. What we
do ultimately matters a lot more than what we think. But what
we do is not often what we most want to do.  It can be
awkward, confusing, and definitely frustrating.

The problem is that often the arising of thoughts that emerge
in our head, and the feelings we experience will affect our
choices.  But does this have to be the case? The purpose of
focusing on practices such as meditation or enquiry 
is to free us from our conditioning, and as we do this we become more aware
This allows us to be in a place where our thoughts,feelings and actions
are increasingly in alignment.

If you think about it for yourself. What makes people
attractive to you? What do you admire most in others, or what
do you want to model that you see in others? Isn’t it the
choices they make, the way they respond, how they behave, how
they are acting that you like? 

If our thoughts get right, and you act on them, then the results
can be very attractive and psoitive change will occur in the world.

Let’s turn to the interior life again. In meditation you can
learn to observe what is called the ‘Monkey mind’. That part
of us that is constantly thinking, thinking, thinking.  If
you could get to a place where you aren’t distracted. Where
thoughts  don’t distract you as much, and effect you less.
In a sense you become the witness of the thoughts. How then does this
translate into action?

We’re not that bound to action, are we?

When you begin to see this, be this way, you are off
automatic pilot, not driven by the thoughts and feelings you are
experiencing moment by moment. Stimulated by all the things
around you and within you. It’s when you respond to the same stimulus
in a different less attached or averse way.  It’s how you begin to
act out in tandem with the thoughts you choose to identify with.

You can begin to get space between you and your thoughts. 
Then you can make different choices and have options of the
thoughts you wish to decide from and ultimately act on.
We change outer action, with the thoughts.  Intentions are
not enough.

When we think about people that we really admire, are they
people who are just great thinkers? Probably not. What we
generally looking at are people that we admire and who are
good models of how we’d like to be. Or at least what we think
an enlightened or good people  should act.  We generally don’t
care as much what they are thinking about but how they act.

So what I am saying that at the end of the day it isn’t so
much what we think that is as important, what really matters
more is what we do with our thoughts. But how do you work out
how to do the right, loving thing?  Is it not generally already
known by us?  A kind of commonsense. Isn’t there a conscience, already. 
But we really struggle with our consciences don’t we?

What I am suggesting then is that deep down we all ready know
what we could be doing, why not start making choices that we 
already know we can make? Take the actions that already know
that we need take. I am not saying this is easy, but seems
the best thing to do. It is possible.

It is a fairly common assertion that there is a collective
neural net, what Jung calls the collective unconscious.  If
we all sit around and fill the world with good thoughts?  How
is it really going to change?  Who is going to do it? How is
everything going to transform itself?

Who is going to change the world?  Who really cares?
Thoughts are just mechanically generated, they arise
spontaneously in consciousness, just like clouds scudding
across the sky.  We want to be free, and be filled with a
kind of passion to live a liberated service life.  And do
God’s will, or the will of a Higher Power, which ever way you
look at it.

Perhaps the question I would ask you is. Would you be
willing, to say to your self.  “It doesn’t matter so much
what I feel, so much what I think, although important but
rather how I act on who I truly am? To live from and expand
from the true self, true inner life, without the other stuff
that is going on.

Would I be willing to accept that I am enough, I am
sufficient, and have everything already, in me, to have confidence
to make the loving choices for those around me, family,
friend, co workers, neighbours, wife, partner, the environment?

We need to accept the burden of knowledge that you affect
everything and everyone around you.  We are one. The fate of
life rests on your shoulders.  We each have personal
responsibility for our actions. I do not think we can fix the world,
if we all just think positive happy thoughts, that everything will
be a better place.

Now the danger here again is that we live in a very doing
society one that places great emphasis on doing and getting. 
alot less on being.  And whilst the emphasis is here on doing
what is best.  The truth is we need to get off automatic
pilot, our conditioned automatic thinking and doing, to be in
alignment with our truest selves, and expand and create the
space for choices that bring life, and love, through our
actions.  How do we really trust that what we chose to do
is really the right thing and not a trick of the false self?
Well, this is an another article I guess.

These actions are informed by a moral choice.  One that is
informed by the part a greater being than our own small
selves is trying to evolve us into.  When we see our
responsibility to love, and the moral imperative to be of
service in what we do with our lives. Then the world can
probably change into something we can only dream of right
now.

Otherwise what is the alternative?

Peace,

 

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

Why Self Improvement And Motivational Speakers Don’t Help Much.

Almost everyone has tried personal development. The motivational speakers, the self-improvement gurus and self-help marketing channels are all wrong.  Look for yourself, check it out, most if not all, allude to the very thing that they omit to teach.  What is it that they omit?  Namely that most of us are stuck and absent from where we think we want to be or should be.  That the dark hole of failure we are in, the wall of fear we have bumped against, or the frustration, anxiety, worry or fear of failure is somehow the cause of our predicament. 

There is something about these programs that somehow appeal to the sense of failure, lack, wanting more, insufficiency.  The self help manuals all promise a more glorious future, usually involving, winning or success in love, money, business, and rich rewards in relationships, or things like houses, cars, friends or lovers.

I say this with some regret, because I am the same as many of you reading this. I have been to countless self improvement workshops, read books, listened to tapes, CD’s, watched video, DVD series, downloads, mp3′s, Youtube, Teleseminars, Webinars, ebooks, ecourses, online training programs and so on.

I’ve also received counselling and life coaching (I have a certificate in counselling skills, and another in Life Coaching) at different times in my life.  Please don’t misunderstand me, that is what I thought I needed at the time and at some level I found it beneficial in understanding my story, helping raise my awareness and understanding.

Have you noticed the attraction to self-improvement, what it is based on, like advertising generally?  Look at any advert and see what the message is offering you.  Doesn’t it promote the belief that you too would be better off if only you had their latest and greatest particular model of car, hair shampoo, food product, holiday, clothing or home?  Or maybe it’s their latest personal development program, to make you an online millionaire in only 7 days. Marketing secrets, rags to riches stories, self-development programs and home businesses. 

Even more than that though, the underlying message is that there is something lacking in you that only there product or service or belief system can fill. You are just not good enough, worthy enough, sufficient enough as a person or financially. Or, there is something wrong with you. It comes down to self image doesn’t it?  You are not powerful enough or lovable enough, are you?

All these programs have one thing in common, you are doing something wrong, and if you only knew the step-by-step secrets of success (which they will show you for a fee) in overcoming adversity.  You would be rich and successful and happy.  They promise us that if only you could discover what you are doing wrong, usually something in your subconscious, and do the work on it, everything will be OK. Then you will be the perfect person you are meant to be.

Again, don’t misunderstand me.  We all grow through overcoming adversity, it is great to hear stories and be inspired by those coming to terms with trouble and beating it.  Right?  But what about the adversity itself?  Isn’t there vital lessons to be learned in the thick of it?  When our work, or marriage or relationship with our true self, God or some other/s seems impossible?  Perhaps there is no way of fully participating in any of these major parts of our life without coming to terms with all the ways it is impossible to do it.

You know what I have found out? That deep down we are all think and feel we are not good enough.  Have you ever thought about that? You may not have, but unless you are entirely cut off from your self, and perhaps you may well, be a little silence could bring you to feel that sense of unworthiness.

But what is the underlying message, that there is something lacking in your life that having this product would make you a better person, a successful, wealthier and happier life.

It is this sense of unworthiness, that there is something missing, that there is something I am lacking that provides the fuel for the fast sale self improvement program.  The feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, the sense of feeling we are a long way away from what we want tells us something about our work.  What may be actually happening is that we are at the beginning or we have forgotten where and who we are.  And it is this very gap, space or absence that energises us and indeed creates an acute attention, and sets up a dynamic that will provide the means of getting unstuck, moving forward to next part of our life. Eventually doing the impossible.

And that the very weaknesses and the blind spots we have been avoiding turn out to be the strength we need to complete the task.  By understanding weaknesses in ourselves (and others) we have compassion for ourselves and for others.

How does a person start?  Well I won’t go into all the answers right here, right now.  But as a suggestion you could….. 

Find and create a space for silence in your life. 

Begin to listen

Have compassion and be your own best friend

 

Peace,

 

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

PS An Even more optimistic thought might be the fact that there is an essential you that is completely perfect as it is/you are  and doesn’t need anything else added to it.

I Will Restore The Years The Locusts Have Eaten. What Has This Got To Do With Stress Reduction?

Locusts! Have you seen what they can do? They can literally decimate a crop in minutes.  Rendering whole villages , farmers and their families without food or income. Can you imagine the pain and stress that having your livelihood taken away like that brings?  Having your crops destroyed may create a struggle for your very survival.

I know for myself that my life at times seems to be  as stripped bare and threatening as a locust storm. So far thankfully not in food, clothing or shelter but in terms of my appreciation for what I have or the seeming lack of progress in the intentions I have made. Primarily in reduction stress and helping others be the person they were born to be. But the real lack was in awareness of a real sense of purpose, and of the abundance and liberation that I already have. Right now, right here. 

Economic recession. Depression. The great recession, whatever it is, can seem like a storm threatening  to destroy everything we have built up.  Or take away the little we already have.

The difficult times, when seen for what they are, as the opportunity to learn and grow and develop your true purpose and infinite potential.  It can then become the portal to a new life, new strength and new courage.

If money is causing you stress right now.  Or you are looking for stress relief. It might help you to watch this video by Lynn Twist.  If you are wanting to reduce stress in your life , discover awareness find inner peace, love and liberation.  Maybe A radical change in your understanding and experience of money will help. Let go of all this stuff.

  

If you have been watching recently the Blood, Sweat and Takeaway series on BBC1 on Monday nights, I could not help be struck once more that the real poverty is not lack of abundance it is the deeply ingrained subconscious belief that I am not enough, I am not good enough.  This sense of lack is the root of pshychological spiritual poverty in our age from which stems the seemingly un satisfiable desire for more.

Have a look at this BBC series and see the reality of life for the people who are trying to exist by satisfying our consumer societies madness. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00kmtb1/Blood_Sweat_and_Takeaways_Tuna/

Looking again at my life I cannot but be struck by the abundant provision of everything  I have in terms of life, relationships, health and resources.  I may be temporarily suffering a seemingly lack of abundance right now.  But the truth is I have enough, I am enough, I do enough I am good enough.

What about you?

Are you too finding yourself struggling with a lack of peace, money, lack of relationship, employment, lack of true enjoyment or sense of purpose or destiny whatever it is.

Do you think you are  sufficient?  Do you think you have enough. Do you want more? Let me know.

Wherever you are in life right here, right now, trust me, if you take the time to look deep enough you will find within you the sure realisation that there is enough, right now, for you to be, do and have. There is a Source of Life which is unlimited and which has the Power to restore the years that the locusts have eaten, and to make all things new.

Peace,

 

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

Confidence Works: Learn To Be Your Own Life Coach

Hi There.

This weeks review comes from the book McMahon, G (2001) Confidence Works: Learn To Be Your Own Life Coach, London: Sheldon Press.

BUt before you move on to reading this great easy to read review, all done for you!  I want to let you know about a free teleseminar on the 30th of June at 7.30pm GMT.  Entitled the Spirituality Of Self Esteem. 

It is the first time I will be hosting this and I think it will be great. Email me for details. 

Gladeana McMahon comes with a suberb resume.  She has appeared on radio, TV, was an agony aunt for Yes! Magazine, adviser to Big Brother, she is a writer, conference speaker and a senior lecturer with the University of East London and co director of the Stress Management Centre.  Quite a CV!

This book as the name suggests is aimed at people who wish increase their confidence and self belief and get the most out of their life. But is also and enabling book as its purpose is to empower you, the individual, to learn your own life coaching skills.

Its may message is that by taking charge of your own life you can create more happiness, more success and a better life for yourself.  That it will increase your confidence 10 fold by working through the various exercises and information. Do the work says Gladeana and you will see the changes.

There is certainly a lot packed into this 145 page self help manual for confidence and assertiveness training. Drawing on cognitive psychology, mainly cognitive behavioural therapy techniques.  Gladeana systematically leads the reader through managing their thinking, feelings, actions and attitudes.  As a life coach I can see how useful this book could be as it is filled with lots of exercises and techniques that could be applied to any coaching session as well as for those looking to use it as a self help manual.  Many of these exercises are well known, some of which are as follows.

The Life Audit, Robinson’s four stages of Learning, visualisation, ABCDE model, problem solving model, SMART, the time allocation pie, Big I, little I.  Very useful and as relevant now as they were 8 years ago when this book was published. Each chapter begins with an assessment of a particular life skill and ends with a life skills action plan.

Perhaps it is the books thoroughness which despite this strength, could also be its weakness.  I think many people who are lacking in confidence and assertiveness may well be daunted by the prospect of working their way thorough these exercises which promise so many benefits.   It is a substantial commitment mentally, emotionally and of time and effort. And although it is thorough it is by its size only able to cover so much depth.

The book itself, again is packed full of exercises yet the layout is a bit hard on the eyes and a bit dry reading, I think.  It might be better suited to as a reference book.   Again on the subject of references, there are literally no empirically evidence based references for the techniques and models used through out the whole book.  Again you would need to approach it with some conviction or at least willingness to give it a try.  If you were looking for research evidence to back the approaches, there is virtually none.  Although there is a mention of Daniel Goleman on page 59 in relation to his work on Emotional Intelligence.

That is not to say that CBT and the exercises and premises is not well researched, it is just that for the average reader, they would have to look out information for themselves as it is not all contained in the book.

All and all I think it is a very well put together book with lots of exercises that touch on many of the issues arising through lack of confidence and self-esteem.  However, it would take I think a bit more than this one book alone to create the change that many would seek, it is a useful place to start.  I think the help and support of a life coach would be a very great benefit.

 

References

Goleman, D. (1997)  Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ ,Bantam,New York

Peace,

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

PS Remember the free teleseminar on TUesday the 30th June at 7.30pm GMT  Email me now for details.

Get Everything Done And Still Have Time To Play

I decided that a book review would be helpful.  At some time in the very near future I’d like to offer this as a service.  For now I have enough on my plate though, more about this later. Meantime the book this week is Mark Forster’s, (2000) Get Everything Done And Still Have Time To Play,Hodder and Stoughton, London

  

With some anticipation I was really looking forward to reading this book as I had heard of Mark Forster’s reputation in the time management world and because time management is something I have always been interested in.  I was looking for new information and wasn’t disappointed.

  

This book was published in 2000, in today’s world that seems like a long time.  Much of the world of work has changed considerably due to the advances and availability of post-modern technology.  Which if it were to be believed, should help us to be more efficient.  However I doubt if the word efficient is really on Marks mind when he wrote this book. Like the seminal work The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People (1) the focus is on effectiveness, not efficiency. We can be highly efficient but completely in the wrong direction.

  

Mark focuses on effective time management outcomes such as maximising our enjoyment of work and leisure.  The good manager he says is decisive not impulsive. The key to this book and its main strength is that the author writes from his own experience.  He has tried and tested many of the other time management guru suggestions and basically found them wanting.

  

He doesn’t throw the baby out with the bath water however.  Rather he has adapted common time management techniques to his own style.  And in fact encourages the reader to do the same with his suggestions too.  He clearly practices what he preaches.  Only by dealing with resistance says Forster will his system and others will work.
 
Success he says is got by repeated, consistent, focused action with a bit of hard work thrown in. Do things in short bursts with frequent planned breaks. Add to that potent mixture automated systems to deal with the main culprate which is resistance, aversion, avoidance or the P words procrastination and perfectionism.  Something which according to Burka and Yuen affects 25% of US citizens. (2)

  

The system is based on project check lists, not to do lists (which he says are really for emergencies only), and deal with resistance by using his check system and halving technique (described on pages 120-3) to deal with free flowing activities, e.g. emails, phone calls, letter writing, projects and so forth. This allows a person to keep on track, taking small steps at a time whilst working in short bursts and taking frequent breaks.

  

He says we need to learn to allocate our work time and free time properly in order to maximise the available time and learn to cope with interruptions and emergencies.  One of the basic tenets is simply saying “No” to tasks until you can give the right time and attention to them. By simply removing added commitments, over time we focus on what we need to be working on much more effectively. We can also look at our current commitments and remove the ones that are no longer necessary.  This in itself will result in freeing valuable time and helping us remain more relaxed which is important for effective work.

 

One criticism I would have is that to do the tasks you must use a timer and stick to it rigidly, I think this might be were many people might fall down.  However, this is only for the initial stages, over time as you get more disciplined it is not as necessary to do. Another criticism is that there is no empirical evidence to back up a lot of his theories and principles on time management.  What works for him, may not work for you. I would also have liked to have seen a more updated version, mine was from the local library, with more diagrams and pictures, which tend to make it easier to read.  One positive thought here was that he did have useful summaries (action points) at the end of every chapter.

I found this book to be a very valuable, easily readable and simple steps that when applied would help most people.  I have personally applied several of his key principles and experienced increased enjoyment of what I am doing and the added confidence in completing task on time with less stress.

  

REFERENCES

(1) Covey, S.R. (1992) The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, London, Simon & Schuster
(2) Burka, J B. & Yuen, L M. (2008)  Procrastination: Why You Do It, What To Do About It Now, Cambridge, MA, USA, Perseus Books Group

 

 

 

 

 

Peace,

 

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

Time Management Tips

  

  

Generally I have found these very helpful especially if you are prone to procrastination, perfectionism or disapproving of yourself. I hope you find these as helpful as I have too.

1. Set Goals. Goals give your life, and the way you spend your time, direction. When asked the secret to amassing such a fortune, one of the famous Hunt brothers from Texas replied: “First you’ve got to decide what you want.” Set goals which are specific, measurable, realistic and achievable. Your optimum goals are those which cause you to “stretch” but not “break” as you strive for achievement. Goals can give creative people a much-needed sense of direction.

2. Prioritize. Use the 80-20 Rule originally stated by the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who noted that 80 percent of the reward comes from 20 percent of the effort. The trick to prioritizing is to isolate and identify that valuable 20 percent. Once identified, prioritize time to concentrate your work on those items with the greatest reward.

3. Use a To Do List. Some people thrive using a daily To Do List which they construct either the last thing the previous day or first thing in the morning. Such people may combine a To Do List with a calendar or schedule. Others prefer a “running” To Do List which is
continuously being updated. Or, you may prefer a combination of the two previously described To Do Lists. Whatever method works is best for you. Don’t be afraid to try a new system-you just might find one that works even better than your present one!

4. Be Flexible. Allow time for interruptions and distractions. Time management experts often suggest planning for just 50 percent or less of ones time. With only 50 percent of your time planned, you will have the flexibility to handle interruptions and the unplanned “emergency.” When you expect to be interrupted, schedule routine tasks. Save (or make) larger blocks of time for your priorities. When interrupted, ask yourself the question, “What is the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now?” to help you get back on track fast.

5. Consider Your Biological Prime Time. That’s the time of day when you are at your best. Are you a “morning person,” a “night owl,” or a late afternoon “whiz?” Knowing when your best time is and planning to use that time of day for your priorities (if possible) is effective time management.

6. Do The Right Thing Right. Noted management expert, Peter Drucker, says “doing the right thing is more important than doing things right” Doing the right thing is effectiveness; doing things right is efficiency. Focus first on effectiveness (identifying what is the right thing to do), then concentrate on efficiency (doing it right).

7. Eliminate the Urgent. Urgent tasks have short-term consequences while important tasks are those with long-term, goal-related implications. Work towards reducing the urgent things you must do so you’ll have time for your important priorities. Flagging or highlighting items on your To Do List or attaching a deadline to each item may help keep important items from becoming urgent emergencies.

8. Practice the Art of Intelligent Neglect. Eliminate from your life trivial tasks or those tasks which do not have long-term consequences for you. Can you delegate or eliminate any of your To Do List? Work on those tasks which you alone can do.

9. Let go of being a Perfectionist. In the Malaysian culture, only the gods are considered capable of producing anything perfect. Whenever something is made, a flaw is left on purpose so the gods will not be offended. Yes, some things need to be closer to perfect than others, but perfectionism, paying unnecessary attention to detail, can be a form of procrastination.

10. Procrastination. One technique to try is the “Swiss cheese” method. When you are avoiding something, break it into smaller tasks and do just one of the smaller tasks or set a tuner and work on the big task for just 15 minutes. By doing a little at a time, eventually you’ll reach a point where you’ll want to finish.

11. Learn to Say “NO” Such a small word-and so hard to say. Focusing on your goals my help. Blocking time for important, but often not scheduled, priorities such as family and friends can also help. But first you must be convinced that you and your priorities are important that seems to be the hardest part in learning to say “no.” Once convinced of their importance, saying “no” to the unimportant-life gets easier.

12. Give Yourself Approval. Even for small successes, celebrate achievement of goals. Doing so will help you maintain the necessary balance in life between work and play. If we learn to balance excellence in work with excellence in play, fun and relaxation, our lives become happier, healthier and a great deal more creative.

13. Strengthen Your Intention. Have an intention when you get up in the morning and during the day. This is very important to keeping yourself on track.

 

Peace,

 

 

 

Gavin J Gowans

 PS The above are drawn from a useful course called The Ultimate Time Management Course by Larry Crane  You will need to do the Abundance Course first though.  One caution I would make.  I personally have completed many of the Release Technique courses.  They are very effective, but personally the focus on becoming a millionaire in and of itself I  did not find helpful.  My preference would definitely be for the courses led by Hale Dwoskin and the Sedona Method.  Ultimately I think that our personal growth isn’t to get wealthy or anything else merely for itself.  It is about growing and of being of service to others.

« Previous Page — Next Page »